CHAPTER XXVI
WELL, when they was all gone the king he asks Mary
Jane how they was off for spare rooms, and she said
she had one spare room, which would do for Uncle
William, and she'd give her own room to Uncle
Harvey, which was a little bigger, and she would
turn into the room with her sisters and sleep on a
cot; and up garret was a little cubby, with a pallet
in it. The king said the cubby would do for his
valley -- meaning me.
So Mary Jane took us up, and she showed them their
rooms, which was plain but nice. She said she'd have
her frocks and a lot of other traps took out of her
room if they was in Uncle Harvey's way, but he said
they warn't. The frocks was hung along the wall, and
before them was a curtain made out of calico that
hung down to the floor. There was an old hair trunk
in one corner, and a guitar-box in another, and all
sorts of little knickknacks and jimcracks around,
like girls brisken up a room with. The king said it
was all the more homely and more pleasanter for
these fixings, and so don't disturb them. The duke's
room was pretty small, but plenty good enough, and
so was my cubby.
That night they had a big supper, and all them men
and women was there, and I stood behind the king and
the duke's chairs and waited on them, and
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the niggers waited on the rest. Mary Jane she set at
the head of the table, with Susan alongside of her,
and said how bad the biscuits was, and how mean the
preserves was, and how ornery and tough the fried
chickens was -- and all that kind of rot, the way
women always do for to force out compliments; and
the people all knowed everything was tiptop, and
said so -- said "How do you get biscuits to brown so
nice?" and "Where, for the land's sake, did you get
these amaz'n pickles?" and all that kind of humbug
talky-talk, just the way people always does at a
supper, you know.
And when it was all done me and the hare-lip had
supper in the kitchen off of the leavings, whilst
the others was helping the niggers clean up the
things. The hare-lip she got to pumping me about
England, and blest if I didn't think the ice was
getting mighty thin sometimes. She says:
"Did you ever see the king?"
"Who? William Fourth? Well, I bet I have -- he goes
to our church." I knowed he was dead years ago, but
I never let on. So when I says he goes to our
church, she says:
"What -- regular?"
"Yes -- regular. His pew's right over opposite ourn
-- on t'other side the pulpit."
"I thought he lived in London?"
"Well, he does. Where would he live?"
"But I thought you lived in Sheffield?"
I see I was up a stump. I had to let on to get
choked with a chicken bone, so as to get time to
think how to get down again. Then I says:
"I mean he goes to our church regular when he's
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in Sheffield. That's only in the summer time, when
he comes there to take the sea baths."
"Why, how you talk -- Sheffield ain't on the sea."
"Well, who said it was?"
"Why, you did."
"I didn't nuther."
"You did!"
"I didn't."
"You did."
"I never said nothing of the kind."
"Well, what did you say, then?"
"Said he come to take the sea baths -- that's what I
said."
"Well, then, how's he going to take the sea baths if
it ain't on the sea?"
"Looky here," I says; "did you ever see any
Congress-water?"
"Yes."
"Well, did you have to go to Congress to get it?"
"Why, no."
"Well, neither does William Fourth have to go to the
sea to get a sea bath."
"How does he get it, then?"
"Gets it the way people down here gets
Congress-water -- in barrels. There in the palace at
Sheffield they've got furnaces, and he wants his
water hot. They can't bile that amount of water away
off there at the sea. They haven't got no
conveniences for it."
"Oh, I see, now. You might a said that in the first
place and saved time."
When she said that I see I was out of the woods
again, and so I was comfortable and glad. Next, she
says:
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"Do you go to church, too?"
"Yes -- regular."
"Where do you set?"
"Why, in our pew."
" Whose pew?"
"Why, ourn -- your Uncle Harvey's."
"His'n? What does he want with a pew?"
"Wants it to set in. What did you reckon he wanted
with it?"
"Why, I thought he'd be in the pulpit."
Rot him, I forgot he was a preacher. I see I was up
a stump again, so I played another chicken bone and
got another think. Then I says:
"Blame it, do you suppose there ain't but one
preacher to a church?"
"Why, what do they want with more?"
"What! -- to preach before a king? I never did see
such a girl as you. They don't have no less than
seventeen."
"Seventeen! My land! Why, I wouldn't set out such a
string as that, not if I never got to glory. It must
take 'em a week."
"Shucks, they don't all of 'em preach the same day
-- only one of 'em."
"Well, then, what does the rest of 'em do?"
"Oh, nothing much. Loll around, pass the plate --
and one thing or another. But mainly they don't do
nothing."
"Well, then, what are they for?"
"Why, they're for style. Don't you know nothing?"
"Well, I don't want to know no such foolishness as
that. How is servants treated in England? Do they
treat 'em better 'n we treat our niggers?"
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"No! A servant ain't nobody there. They treat them
worse than dogs."
"Don't they give 'em holidays, the way we do,
Christmas and New Year's week, and Fourth of July?"
"Oh, just listen! A body could tell you hain't ever
been to England by that. Why, Hare-l -- why, Joanna,
they never see a holiday from year's end to year's
end; never go to the circus, nor theater, nor nigger
shows, nor nowheres."
"Nor church?"
"Nor church."
"But you always went to church."
Well, I was gone up again. I forgot I was the old
man's servant. But next minute I whirled in on a
kind of an explanation how a valley was different
from a common servant and had to go to church
whether he wanted to or not, and set with the
family, on account of its being the law. But I
didn't do it pretty good, and when I got done I see
she warn't satisfied. She says:
"Honest injun, now, hain't you been telling me a lot
of lies?"
"Honest injun," says I.
"None of it at all?"
"None of it at all. Not a lie in it," says I.
"Lay your hand on this book and say it."
I see it warn't nothing but a dictionary, so I laid
my hand on it and said it. So then she looked a
little better satisfied, and says:
"Well, then, I'll believe some of it; but I hope to
gracious if I'll believe the rest."
"What is it you won't believe, Joe?" says Mary
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Jane, stepping in with Susan behind her. "It ain't
right nor kind for you to talk so to him, and him a
stranger and so far from his people. How would you
like to be treated so?"
"That's always your way, Maim -- always sailing in
to help somebody before they're hurt. I hain't done
nothing to him. He's told some stretchers, I reckon,
and I said I wouldn't swallow it all; and that's
every bit and grain I did say. I reckon he can stand
a little thing like that, can't he?"
"I don't care whether 'twas little or whether 'twas
big; he's here in our house and a stranger, and it
wasn't good of you to say it. If you was in his
place it would make you feel ashamed; and so you
oughtn't to say a thing to another person that will
make them feel ashamed."
"Why, Maim, he said -- "
"It don't make no difference what he said -- that
ain't the thing. The thing is for you to treat him
kind, and not be saying things to make him remember
he ain't in his own country and amongst his own
folks."
I says to myself, this is a girl that I'm letting
that old reptle rob her of her money!
Then Susan she waltzed in; and if you'll believe me,
she did give Hare-lip hark from the tomb!
Says I to myself, and this is another one that I'm
letting him rob her of her money!
Then Mary Jane she took another inning, and went in
sweet and lovely again -- which was her way; but
when she got done there warn't hardly anything left
o' poor Hare-lip. So she hollered.
"All right, then," says the other girls; "you just
ask his pardon."
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She done it, too; and she done it beautiful. She
done it so beautiful it was good to hear; and I
wished I could tell her a thousand lies, so she
could do it again.
I says to myself, this is another one that I'm
letting him rob her of her money. And when she got
through they all jest laid theirselves out to make
me feel at home and know I was amongst friends. I
felt so ornery and low down and mean that I says to
myself, my mind's made up; I'll hive that money for
them or bust.
So then I lit out -- for bed, I said, meaning some
time or another. When I got by myself I went to
thinking the thing over. I says to myself, shall I
go to that doctor, private, and blow on these
frauds? No -- that won't do. He might tell who told
him; then the king and the duke would make it warm
for me. Shall I go, private, and tell Mary Jane? No
-- I dasn't do it. Her face would give them a hint,
sure; they've got the money, and they'd slide right
out and get away with it. If she was to fetch in
help I'd get mixed up in the business before it was
done with, I judge. No; there ain't no good way but
one. I got to steal that money, somehow; and I got
to steal it some way that they won't suspicion that
I done it. They've got a good thing here, and they
ain't a-going to leave till they've played this
family and this town for all they're worth, so I'll
find a chance time enough. I'll steal it and hide
it; and by and by, when I'm away down the river,
I'll write a letter and tell Mary Jane where it's
hid. But I better hive it tonight if I can, because
the doctor maybe hasn't let up as much as he lets on
he has; he might scare them out of here yet.
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So, thinks I, I'll go and search them rooms.
Upstairs the hall was dark, but I found the duke's
room, and started to paw around it with my hands;
but I recollected it wouldn't be much like the king
to let anybody else take care of that money but his
own self; so then I went to his room and begun to
paw around there. But I see I couldn't do nothing
without a candle, and I dasn't light one, of course.
So I judged I'd got to do the other thing -- lay for
them and eavesdrop. About that time I hears their
footsteps coming, and was going to skip under the
bed; I reached for it, but it wasn't where I thought
it would be; but I touched the curtain that hid Mary
Jane's frocks, so I jumped in behind that and
snuggled in amongst the gowns, and stood there
perfectly still.
They come in and shut the door; and the first thing
the duke done was to get down and look under the
bed. Then I was glad I hadn't found the bed when I
wanted it. And yet, you know, it's kind of natural
to hide under the bed when you are up to anything
private. They sets down then, and the king says:
"Well, what is it? And cut it middlin' short,
because it's better for us to be down there
a-whoopin' up the mournin' than up here givin' 'em a
chance to talk us over."
"Well, this is it, Capet. I ain't easy; I ain't
comfortable. That doctor lays on my mind. I wanted
to know your plans. I've got a notion, and I think
it's a sound one."
"What is it, duke?"
"That we better glide out of this before three in
the morning, and clip it down the river with what
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we've got. Specially, seeing we got it so easy --
given back to us, flung at our heads, as you may
say, when of course we allowed to have to steal it
back. I'm for knocking off and lighting out."
That made me feel pretty bad. About an hour or two
ago it would a been a little different, but now it
made me feel bad and disappointed, The king rips out
and says:
"What! And not sell out the rest o' the property?
March off like a passel of fools and leave eight or
nine thous'n' dollars' worth o' property layin'
around jest sufferin' to be scooped in? -- and all
good, salable stuff, too."
The duke he grumbled; said the bag of gold was
enough, and he didn't want to go no deeper -- didn't
want to rob a lot of orphans of everything they had.
"Why, how you talk!" says the king. "We sha'n't rob
'em of nothing at all but jest this money. The
people that buys the property is the suff'rers;
because as soon 's it's found out 'at we didn't own
it -- which won't be long after we've slid -- the
sale won't be valid, and it 'll all go back to the
estate. These yer orphans 'll git their house back
agin, and that's enough for them; they're young and
spry, and k'n easy earn a livin'. They ain't a-goin
to suffer. Why, jest think -- there's thous'n's and
thous'n's that ain't nigh so well off. Bless you,
they ain't got noth'n' to complain of."
Well, the king he talked him blind; so at last he
give in, and said all right, but said he believed it
was blamed foolishness to stay, and that doctor
hanging over them. But the king says:
"Cuss the doctor! What do we k'yer for him? Hain't
we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't
that a big enough majority in any town?"
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So they got ready to go down stairs again. The duke
says:
"I don't think we put that money in a good place."
That cheered me up. I'd begun to think I warn't
going to get a hint of no kind to help me. The king
says:
"Why?"
"Because Mary Jane 'll be in mourning from this out;
and first you know the nigger that does up the rooms
will get an order to box these duds up and put 'em
away; and do you reckon a nigger can run across
money and not borrow some of it?"
"Your head's level agin, duke," says the king; and
he comes a-fumbling under the curtain two or three
foot from where I was. I stuck tight to the wall and
kept mighty still, though quivery; and I wondered
what them fellows would say to me if they catched
me; and I tried to think what I'd better do if they
did catch me. But the king he got the bag before I
could think more than about a half a thought, and he
never suspicioned I was around. They took and shoved
the bag through a rip in the straw tick that was
under the feather-bed, and crammed it in a foot or
two amongst the straw and said it was all right now,
because a nigger only makes up the feather-bed, and
don't turn over the straw tick only about twice a
year, and so it warn't in no danger of getting stole
now.
But I knowed better. I had it out of there before
they was half-way down stairs. I groped along up to
my cubby, and hid it there till I could get a chance
to do better. I judged I better hide it outside of
the house somewheres, because if they missed it they
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would give the house a good ransacking: I knowed
that very well. Then I turned in, with my clothes
all on; but I couldn't a gone to sleep if I'd a
wanted to, I was in such a sweat to get through with
the business. By and by I heard the king and the
duke come up; so I rolled off my pallet and laid
with my chin at the top of my ladder, and waited to
see if anything was going to happen. But nothing
did.
So I held on till all the late sounds had quit and
the early ones hadn't begun yet; and then I slipped
down the ladder.
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